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[I met this girl called Derpina]

Imagine a modern Twilight Zone episode or parody thereof that explored the concept of these internet memes having a life of their own, and each generational set needing to be cordoned off into their own little world so that when a current user starts their journey through said worlds, they could get each joke pretty well, but by the end, they might need a team of modern historians versed in various areas of internet culture just to know who these characters are and what the heck anyone is saying.

[Spy the Terrible and His Son Scout]

Looking back, he blamed it on how...typical and mundane it had all become.

They had been fighting this war over gravel for so long that neither Blu nor Red could recollect how it all started. They had each tasted death only to pop up again good as new, often going out of their way to get the drop on those who'd done them in last time.

After a while, it was all in good fun, even if they could never say it out loud, especially when Miss Pauling or the Administrator were thought to be listening in.

The team had been heading home after another day of fighting, this battle having been a victory. Everyone had shaken their fist and promised to hit each other harder the next time, as had been the custom. No one really thought too much about it.

Per usual, Scout was boasting louder than all the others.

"Man, I was outrunnin that big Blue balooka while eatin his sandwich in front o'em!" He laughed.

"Aye," grumbled Sniper, "and ya also drew the line of fire straight toward Medic when we were trying to get pyro set up for an ubercharge. Next time I radio you to go right, go right, not left ya bugger!"

"Ah, get off my back, Camper." The boy carried himself with his usual ridiculous swagger...a swagger which Spy had long been trying to convince himself wasn't inherited, and did not remind him of his more flamboyant days before he dawned the mask.

"For once, I concur with Scout." he said, "After all, my good Bushman, you should only try to teach a dog to behave so many times before you accept its a lost cause."

When he had first started out on the team, part of his intention was to see how the boy had grown, keep an eye on him, maybe even help him mature a bit...but blast it if the boy's attitude hadn't driven him mad on many an occasion. By his own testimony, he wasn't even the best fighter among his siblings and friends, just one of the fastest in order to get to the street fights. Yet despite this, he still insisted on, as the Americans would say, writing checks with his mouth that his hindquarters could never hope to cash.

Spy had tried correcting him, first by hints, then direct advice, then by snark...and over time the snark became more biting and habitual as he simply decided to let life teach him his lesson the only way he might ever understand. With death itself becoming a triviality due to the Mann Co's revive technology, his initial horror whenever he saw the lad fall in battle, even to that Blue-garbed clone wearing his face, turned to humor as it became more and more of a sport. He even allowed some snark when he slew Jeremy's blue counterpart, who seemed to share his attitude far down to the last unearned boast.

After all, no matter who slew who, they'd all walk away at the end of the day, so perhaps humbling the boy on the battlefield a few times might make him a bit wiser.

"Shut it Spy!" The boy was gearing up for a run, "I gotta go tell Miss Pauling how I singlehandedly handed the Blue Boys their butts again."

As he took off to the unsurprised yet annoyed stares of his teammates, the boy went from a normal run to a near blur, something that still impressed Spy to this day...though of course he'd never tell it to the little brat.

Peering along Jeremy's apparent route, Spy noticed a bluff of some rather loose-looking rocks that overlooked the bridge the boy would be crossing. Deciding to administer some proper correction to the reckless twat, he asked, "Demoman, do you have any remaining sticky bombs you could launch."

"Aye lad." his colleague said with a curious look in his eye. "What for?"

"I was just thinking the boy could make it back to his make-believe lover if only he was to make it there by way of the reanimater." he looked around at his teammates. "Anyone object to this idea?"

Sniper and Heavy shrugged.

Medic gleefully Assented.

Pyro made...enthusiastic-sounding noises.

Engie was a bit concerned, but didn't get in the way.

"Aye, fine enough." Demo said. Borrowing Pyro's jetback, he made for the pile and made it just in time to shoot the bombs as Scout reached the bridge.

As he crossed, Demo detonated them, sending the rocks tumbling to take out the bridge, and take one very annoying young man with them to the ravine, his scream accompanied by the laughter of his teammates.

"Oh, I think he's feeling the grim reaper's scythe again." Laughed Medic. "I hope it feels as good as it did when he drew me into the wrath of Sasha!"

"MM-HMM" Agreed Pyro.

"Who knows," said Demo, landing back after his successful attack run, "Maybe the wee lad will learn to fly. Skinny as he is, I always think them bones are hollow."

Engie looked a bit less enthusiastic.

"That boy is gonna be hoppin' mad when he wakes up at the base." He said with a thoughtful frown.

"Hardly." said Spy. "One look at Miss Pauling, and he'll forget the entire day. Mon dieu," he laughed ruefully, "I understand loosing yourself in the eyes of your petite choufleur, but he needs to learn how to balance that with a functioning brain."

As if on cue, the radio sounded. Heavy answered it.

"Guys? Guys?!?! What's going on?"

It was Miss Pauling's voice.

"Nothing important," Heavy said, "Rocks fell. Bridge got knocked over. Nothing too bad."

A mix of chuckling and grumbling went unheeded.

"Oh, that's a relief." She replied. "Our sensors indicated an explosion and a rock collapse near the bridge. I was worried you guys got ambushed."

"No such problem." Heavy said, "Even if Blue Team tried something like that, we would just return to life again."

"Maybe not this time." Pauline said.

The air shifted just a bit.

"Why not?"

"The Blue Demo damaged the reanimators when he got through earlier. We've already started repairing them, but they won't be running again until the process is complete, which should probably take till morning."

Medic chimed in. "Why does this mean we couldn't come back?"

"Oh that. Well, the reanimators have a limit on how long you can be dead and still be revived. About two hours. We didn't start the repairs until after the battle because it could take all night. I know that's crazy to hear now, but well, there was never a reason to bring it up given how fast you'd always cycle back. Anyways..."

Her last words were lost to Spy for three reasons.

The first was because the Mercenaries all broke into a babble of concern.

The second was because for the first time in years, his blood was truly running cold, and the thumping of his heart drowned out more and more noise.

The third was because he himself had now become a blur, wrestling the pack from Engie before making for the ravine to find his son.

[The cult of the snake]

*Loads Shotgun with Crusading Intent*

GET OUUTA THAT CHURCH!

[Inostrancevia centennial]

Nice.

BTW, I think I saw this as a thumbnail on Extinctzoo's "The Only Time In History That Water Was Safer Than Land."

Congrats!

[Felicia]

Anyone else wish Darkstalkers had gotten a cartoon that wasn't that Harry Potter rip off in the 90s? Castlevania got a good show. I figure they could do something pretty good with an adaption of the storylines in the games.

Heck, I can think of some animaters on here and on YT that can make something worth watching if given the budget.

[Spanish soldier]

Santiago!

CrappyLizard responds:

Arriba España!

[Max and Omega calling dibs]

Rouge: "All of the trouble of raising kids with none of the fun of making them...

...what's Knuckle's doing again?"

[Wendy and Daisey]

Have you ever considered making a pilot for your own cartoon?

[Brazlian miku]

"I just wanted to go on vacation, cut loose a bit, and get a tan. Why are people making a big deal about it?"

[Custom Alestorm logos]

You should see if you can show this to the band on Twitter.

It looks like the sort of thing they'd like, especially the one for "Mexico."

PrestonKolbert responds:

I posted this in Alestorm subreddit on Reddit as Chris and Elliot are pretty active there, but so far none of the band members responded. But people sure like it :)